Half Empty: The Pessimist's Guide to Happiness

You know you're a pessimist if:

When asked, "How are you?" you respond, "What kind of question is that?"

You have a t-shirt with the words, "I hate to be the one to break it to you," printed on it.

You knew all along that Lance Armstrong was doping.

You have created a blog with the title I Know No One Is Reading This

You use sarcasm the way most people use salt—you put it on everything

 In 1988 you were a fan of the anti-Bobby McFerrin song titled Be wary, Stay Ready

Here's a little song I wrote

Probably gonna get stuck in your throat

Be wary, Stay Ready

In every life the sun it shines
But another storm's coming in its time

Be wary, Stay Ready
You got a nice place to lay your head

But it won't be long 'til your dead

Be wary, Stay Ready

The government says that our Union is great

Pretty soon they come and take your State

Be wary, Stay Ready
Be wary, Stay Ready, Be wary, Stay Ready

A pessimist and optimist have met in a bar to finally settle the age-old conundrum of the half empty/half full glass.  Each orders a tall glass of beer and subsequently drinks half of their drink. As the two glasses are placed next to each other the pessimist grabs the optimist’s drink and finishes it off. The optimist orders another, drinks half and places the glass down next to the pessimist’s. Again. the pessimist grabs the optimist’s drink and finishes it off.  This happens three more times. Finally the optimist looks at the pessimist and says, “There’s no way this experiment is going to work now, you’re half drunk.”  The pessimist lifts his own glass and raises it in a toast and says, “No, I’m half sober.”